Practice sincere attention

7 tips

Here are some tips for giving sincere attention. They may not (all) be surprising but do you practice them?

Be quiet and listen carefully: A good conversation is not about your stories but listening. Pay particular attention to side sentences you want to know more about. Ask questions regularly instead of just adding your story to the other story.
Ask open-ended questions without steering the conversation: Avoid leading questions and give the other person space to respond. You can do that by asking more general open-ended questions so the other person has more freedom in their response.
Avoid asking “How are you?” as an opening question. This often yields the same answers over and over again. Instead, ask small, specific questions that make the conversation more personal. So, how has your week been? Or, what are you looking forward to/excited about?
Drop silences: Silences can provide valuable information and space in a conversation, even if uncomfortable.
Don't be overly empathetic: Empathy can strengthen relationships because the other feels heard and understood, but it can also hinder depth. Critical questions can make conversations more thought-provoking and thus deepen the answers or topics discussed.
Don't give unsolicited advice: People rarely seek advice; they want to tell their story. Listen to the story instead of offering immediate solutions. Often, the other person knows best what can or can not support them. It is supportive if you can help them get there.
Try to understand, not convince: In discussions, it is better to understand the other person without judgment than to push your point of view.

Practice sincere attention

Practice sincere attention

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